A Grey Area


                                                    
 Mental health is not always as simple as 'I feel like this so I'll  do this and all those feelings will go away.' For me mental health falls into a 'Grey area'.  What I mean by this is that I can name how I feel, I can easily say I feel sad or I feel anxious but I can't always work out why I feel that way or make sense of the feeling itself.  Sometimes there is no reason as to why we feel how we feel and one of the things that many people ask is 'What triggered this.' So I sort of look back through everything that happened that day, that hour, that week and then I come to realize that actually there was no trigger at all. And that for me is the most confusing thing. You start to think why do I feel like this, how can I stop it without actually knowing what caused this feeling. But sometimes we don't need to know what caused it to overcome it. It's never black and white it's confusing and it's difficult. The intensity of the feelings can be overwhelming and sometimes we may feel nothing at all as if we have no emotions left.  I think the worst part for me is that the thoughts and feelings can still be there in the background even when I'm feeling relatively happy and okay. I could be having the best day of my life and still have a knot in my stomach due to anxiety or intrusive thoughts will linger in the back of my mind. Its like a sore throat you can't get rid of or an itch you can't scratch. It will never be an easy thing it will never be a quick fix even with medication it doesnt just solve everything in your mind. It's slightly different with physical health, for example if you've broken your leg you go to the hospital and they can put a cast on it and maybe give you some painkillers and then in a few weeks/months you are able to walk again and your leg is better. With mental health may that be depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bipolar etc it's not as simple as that, you can't put a cast on your mind. And although people say 'You can't run from what's inside your head' you can run through it, work through it and recover. 💜

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