Everybody has someone.
Everybody has a favourite person. A best friend. A partner. Someone that they are close to more than anyone else. Maybe someone you spend most of your time with, you enjoy being around them the most and you miss them when they go home. But having a favourite person when you have bpd becomes so much more than that.
Having a Fp (favourite person) when you have bpd can be amazing but also excruciatingly painful. How so? Well where do I start...
When you have bpd the need for validation is constant. You want to feel cared for and loved and even if you know you are you want to be told every second of everyday. That you are important. You need to be reassured all the time which is very exhausting for a bpd sufferer. Just a heads up we don't choose to be this way and if we could choose I'm sure we wouldn't choose this. Personally I struggle day in day out with my bpd, my emotions are all over the place and I'm constantly battling the rational side of brain with the bpd side. It's a war in my head every single day. And it is a lot to carry on my own. So I have an Fp. Which opens up a whole new world of emotions. The thought of losing an Fp for someone with bpd is absolutely terrifying, see to us it's not just someone we love spending time with it it's someone we truly cannot live without. It's someone we depend on so much that if they weren't around we wouldn't feel able to climb out of the hole we have then fallen into. It's someone who has the power to change us from a low mood to a intensely happy one in seconds but it's also someone with the power to change us from happy to sad too. A lot of the time they aren't even aware of how much they mean to us. How much we need them. How we feel like we are drowning if we lose them. It just doesn't make sense without them.
They know us better than anyone else. They understand every piece of our minds sometimes even better than we do. They are the person we go to for reassurance, advice, validation, love and care and basically everything else too. They are our safe place, our home. Now this could be anyone. Not just a romantic partner it can be a friend or whoever we choose. But the trust we have in that person to guide us through everything is so strong. It doesn't always make sense to other people. Why we may get so depressed when they go home after a day with them. Or why we may get so tearful and scared if they don't reply to a message or don't answer the phone. Or why we truly feel without that one person that we depend on so much we just couldn't carry on. It's intense as bpd always is.
Anything that feels like abandonment or rejection is. Anyone else who is around our Fp is automatically a threat. Anyone who they talk about is another person that could take that person away from us. So we try so very hard to keep them close but often end up pushing them further away and as we know losing our Fp is not an option. But it happens and when it does the aftermath is the most painful thing.
Now you can tell us not to get attached or that the way we behave with certain people isn't healthy and deep down we know that. But we feel things the same as everyone else just much more intensely and sometimes the only way we can cope with that is to depend on another person so deeply.
It may not be healthy but for us it's the only way we feel we can survive the nightmare we wake up with each day. So before you tell us to 'chill out' or 'give them space' just know if we could we would. But we can't because that's the person we feel safe with. That one person is our home and all we want to do is stay home. They know every dark part of us and stayed. Every happy part of us and enjoy our successes with us. They hold us in our darkest moments and would go above and beyond just to see us happy. They make us feel safer than anyone else does. And most importantly they help us escape from our minds even just for a while. Now tell me you would want all that safety, security, love and care to just disappear? Because we can't live without that.
So if someone with bpd is struggling without their Fp or if they are trying to explain to you how hard it is to control everything, just listen without judgement. Because for us losing people is a downwards spiral to losing ourselves and all we long for is someone to find us again and put us back together.
Bpd may be misunderstood but by unpicking every part of it and by listening we can understand and as someone with Bpd we just need people to try and understand. It's complicated but mental health always is, all we need is time and patience.
And it will become that little bit easier.
Having a Fp (favourite person) when you have bpd can be amazing but also excruciatingly painful. How so? Well where do I start...
When you have bpd the need for validation is constant. You want to feel cared for and loved and even if you know you are you want to be told every second of everyday. That you are important. You need to be reassured all the time which is very exhausting for a bpd sufferer. Just a heads up we don't choose to be this way and if we could choose I'm sure we wouldn't choose this. Personally I struggle day in day out with my bpd, my emotions are all over the place and I'm constantly battling the rational side of brain with the bpd side. It's a war in my head every single day. And it is a lot to carry on my own. So I have an Fp. Which opens up a whole new world of emotions. The thought of losing an Fp for someone with bpd is absolutely terrifying, see to us it's not just someone we love spending time with it it's someone we truly cannot live without. It's someone we depend on so much that if they weren't around we wouldn't feel able to climb out of the hole we have then fallen into. It's someone who has the power to change us from a low mood to a intensely happy one in seconds but it's also someone with the power to change us from happy to sad too. A lot of the time they aren't even aware of how much they mean to us. How much we need them. How we feel like we are drowning if we lose them. It just doesn't make sense without them.
They know us better than anyone else. They understand every piece of our minds sometimes even better than we do. They are the person we go to for reassurance, advice, validation, love and care and basically everything else too. They are our safe place, our home. Now this could be anyone. Not just a romantic partner it can be a friend or whoever we choose. But the trust we have in that person to guide us through everything is so strong. It doesn't always make sense to other people. Why we may get so depressed when they go home after a day with them. Or why we may get so tearful and scared if they don't reply to a message or don't answer the phone. Or why we truly feel without that one person that we depend on so much we just couldn't carry on. It's intense as bpd always is.
Anything that feels like abandonment or rejection is. Anyone else who is around our Fp is automatically a threat. Anyone who they talk about is another person that could take that person away from us. So we try so very hard to keep them close but often end up pushing them further away and as we know losing our Fp is not an option. But it happens and when it does the aftermath is the most painful thing.
Now you can tell us not to get attached or that the way we behave with certain people isn't healthy and deep down we know that. But we feel things the same as everyone else just much more intensely and sometimes the only way we can cope with that is to depend on another person so deeply.
It may not be healthy but for us it's the only way we feel we can survive the nightmare we wake up with each day. So before you tell us to 'chill out' or 'give them space' just know if we could we would. But we can't because that's the person we feel safe with. That one person is our home and all we want to do is stay home. They know every dark part of us and stayed. Every happy part of us and enjoy our successes with us. They hold us in our darkest moments and would go above and beyond just to see us happy. They make us feel safer than anyone else does. And most importantly they help us escape from our minds even just for a while. Now tell me you would want all that safety, security, love and care to just disappear? Because we can't live without that.
So if someone with bpd is struggling without their Fp or if they are trying to explain to you how hard it is to control everything, just listen without judgement. Because for us losing people is a downwards spiral to losing ourselves and all we long for is someone to find us again and put us back together.
Bpd may be misunderstood but by unpicking every part of it and by listening we can understand and as someone with Bpd we just need people to try and understand. It's complicated but mental health always is, all we need is time and patience.
And it will become that little bit easier.
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